No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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