i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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