Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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