We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
