I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
