Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
