honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
