first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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