I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
