oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
