all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
