his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
