I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
