remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
