why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
