Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
