he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
