I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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