Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
