The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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