i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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