I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
