Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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