it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
