I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
