I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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