There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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