i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we're making bets on your personal life
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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