does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
