I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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