I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just had sex bonerless
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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