the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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