every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
