Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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