True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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