you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
