and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
