I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Where did you get a picture of my penis
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
