planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
