come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just threw up on my dentist
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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