He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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