You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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