just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
