.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
