Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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