you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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