i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
