so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
is wine microwaveable?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
