I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
