yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
