CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
