we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Be still, my beating vagina.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
