it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
