I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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