Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
