tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Randomize
